The Seduction Kill Shot

I used to play racquetball with this guy. He was much, much better than me, and would use me as an opportunity to practice various shots.

I remember one game where all he did was bank shots. Meaning that instead of aiming for the front wall, he would always hit the ball off either the side wall or the ceiling.

Which had me running around like an idiot, since I never really knew where the ball was going to go.

Of course, he could only get away with this because he was a few levels higher than me. If he'd played somebody as good as him, only using a bank shot would be fatal. The other guy would be using kill shot after kill shot.

When talking to girls, most guys ONLY use the bank shot, and never the straight shot.

What the heck am I talking about?

Guy meets girl. Guy likes girl. Guy wants girl to like him. Guy does stuff hoping it will get the girl to like him.

Here's where the bank shot comes in.

Most guys do things that's not really in their everyday nature. Stuff like bringing flowers (when they don't bring their buddies flowers), going out to nice restaurants (when they NEVER go to nice restaurants on their own), and speaking in kind and polite language (when they normally curse like sailors around their buddies).

In other words, they do something they don't normally do, hoping these "things" will generate feelings in her, and then the feelings for those "things" will somehow get attached to the guy.

Kind of a roundabout way of doing things.

Why not go straight for the kill shot? (OK, maybe a bad metaphor, lol).

Instead of doing something that you hope will elicit those emotions, which rarely works and is usually pretty expensive, why not just go straight for those feelings?

Instead of jumping through all kinds of hoops, and hoping to get a good result, why not go straight to the source?

The source, of course, is her.

Instead of going through an elaborate set of "rituals" designed to hopefully spark some attraction, just talk to her, and find out what makes her attracted.

Talk to her and elicit those emotions you're shooting for anyway. Since she's talking to you, when thinking of those emotions, she'll naturally associate them with you.

It doesn't matter where you are, what you're wearing, or how much money you're spending.

You can even do it over the phone, if that's your thing.

With the right set of language tools, creating those feelings in her is just a simple conversation away.

10 First Date Tips You Don't Want to Miss

Does the idea of a first date give you sweaty palms and a racing heart?! Well, it shouldn't. A first date is no more than an introduction. It's a chance to meet someone new, expand your horizons, have a good time, even wear that new dress or try out that new shade of blush! Don't over think it. You might ask yourself, "Is he cute enough?" "Does he make enough money?" "Is he solid, stable, commitment centered, generous and faithful?" Forget about all this! Go out and enjoy your time together, but remember these pointers for a successful first (and second, third, fourth and so on) date:

1. Look your best. Consider wearing a dress or a skirt, wear color and add some feminine touches to your outfit! Try wearing long dangly earrings, sexy stilettos or wedges that show off your pedicured toes, beautiful makeup that suits you and isn't overly done, and let your hair down and make sure its brushed and shiny. You want to look on point. You want to look feminine. And you want to accentuate your best features.

2. Smell good. Wear perfume. Men notice how women smell, and you'll make a lasting impression if you smell good! If you're allergic to perfume, try body spray. VS makes a great line of body sprays. Even your local CVS or Walgreens carries body sprays that smell great!

3. It's an introduction, not a therapy session. A first date is not the time to get to know a man's entire life story, his every woe, heart break and disappointment! This is actually the quickest way to put out the sizzle. Keep it light. Don't reveal too much on your first date. You shouldn't be discussing your health problems, your greatest fears, your family problems and other personal matters. Go with his lead. Talk about current events, weather, travel, sports, there is a whole world out there to discuss! If your date starts to get too personal with you, remember you don't have to answer any questions you feel are intrusive. You can ignore the question, or just tell him "That's private!" (Followed by a smile). If your date divulges personal things about his life or goes into long winded stories about him and his ex, listen but then change the subject the first chance you get. A first date should be light.

4. Listen more. If you are the chatty type, avoid talking too much. Tone it down. A first date gives you the chance to learn a lot about your date. Most of the time, you can learn what a man wants out of a relationship with you on the very first date. His comments that tell you the most will be made in jest (meaning casually spoken). Listen! If he tells you he's had a girl friend for nine years but has never been engaged (and he's in his thirties), listen! If he tells you he's had four girlfriends in the past month, listen! If he says he has no plans to marry, doesn't want to have kids, doesn't know how his married friends with children can stand their lives, listen! You will not be the one to change him. People tell you a lot about themselves through their stories, their appearance and how they carry themselves. Actually, language is just one way how people express themselves. If you study their body language, pick up on their energies, and notice their walk and talk, you can learn quite a lot about them.

5. Don't try too hard. Trying too hard is the kiss of death, and a man can always tell when a woman is trying too hard. Be yourself, be confident. If a man doesn't like you for YOU he's not going to like the overly animated, overly flirty, overly funny, overly anything of you! Be yourself. There is someone out there for every body!

6. Keep calm. On the first date things might go wrong. The food might be over cooked, undercooked or just plain horrible! Someone might run late, you might forget and lock your keys in your car, the movie might turn out to be a total dud. The point is, just accept that not everything is going to go perfectly or how you wanted it to! Don't be overly dramatic. If your food is horrible, if the movie wasn't funny, if the musical show is delayed, don't say anything. Give zero comment to the things on the date that are not to your liking, and comment on the positive only. Greatly limit your negative comments, and appreciate and comment on the things going well on the date. The weather, the ambiance, the company, etc.

7. End the date first. If it's been six hours or more (Dinner dates can be 4-6 hours, drinks dates are between two to three hours) and your date wants to take you to a club and go dancing, decline politely. He can ask you out again if he wants to see you. Remember, men like to rush things in the beginning, especially if they like you, but they also tire easily. It's like a kid around candy. He will eat as much as he possibly can, but guaranteed he will get sick afterwards. Leave your date wanting more. Smoothly transition into ending the date. Tell him something like, "I have a really big day tomorrow, I have to get my beauty rest!" No need to go into details. Simply express your enjoyment of the date, and nicely excuse yourself.

8. Say thank you at the end of the date. There is no need to send a text message that same night or the next day to thank your date. It's unnecessary. Avoid unnecessary actions at all costs (because nine times out of 10 they will back fire). Say thank you and mean it sincerely at the end of the date. Fini.

9. Wait for the man to contact you. Again, no thank you texts, Facebook adds or messages, emails or phone calls. Be patient. Wait for him to be in touch with you. If he's interested, he'll be in touch.

10. Be responsive. If he contacts you for another date and you like him, you can accept. If it's last minute (less than 2-3 days in advance), tell him "I'd love to go out with you, but I already have plans for [x] day." Wait until he counteroffers with another day, and then accept! It's best when dates are made in advance (this is gone over in my book) because a man treats you as precious when you treat your time as precious. He also doesn't get bored easily of you. He looks forward to seeing you! If your schedule is impossible, then you must clear it up (especially Saturday nights) if you want to date a man and move forward with a relationship.

The Questions to Ask and What to Say on a First Date

Dating is daunting. Will he like me? Will I like him? Making a good impression is at the forefront of our mind, but how much should we reveal about ourselves and our inner soul. We secretly hope he will be the one and dread the thought that maybe he is not.

All these thoughts rummage around in our gorgeous heads on the lead up to the first date. Luckily we don't perspire profusely, but we have been known to take to nail biting, scratching the nervous patch on our skin or developing a dry mouth in anticipation of what is to come. Fear not, we are here to guide you through your first date as though you are a confident pro.

Contrary to popular belief, starting the first date with questions such as "what are your long-term goals" or "where do you see yourself in the future" make it sound more like a job interview than a relaxed first date. What you need to do is to put yourself and him at ease by discussing softer subjects and then later on ease into the tougher questions. Nobody likes an interrogation, so make it a flowing conversation. After all that is what we women are good at!

Here are some tips to ease you through the date:

• Complimenting him will put him at ease - 'thanks so much for choosing this place for our date it's really great'. This is a light conversation starter and you could ask "what places do you usually like to go to?"

• Ask him for advice - if you are eating you could ask him if he can recommend anything on the menu. This also opens up the conversation around what types of food he enjoys.

• Talk about your day and hopefully he will reciprocate - This is a nice lead in to find out more about his job rather than the inane "so what do you do?" question that we all ask and he secretly finds irritating.

• Don't moan - We are all tempted to rush in and complain bitterly about something and this can be a real turnoff on the first date, not to mention that it could create a bad impression.

• Be yourself - it's better to find out that you both have nothing in common on the first date than on the fifth.

• Offer up a little about yourself - he may be just as nervous as you are, so telling him a little about you could start the conversation going. Don't give him the full version only enough to be enticing.

Some questions to get the conversation going:

• What do you do for fun?
• Do you enjoy what you do?
• Are you reading anything interesting at the moment?
• Do you enjoy sport? Who's your favourite team?
• What do you think about... find something interesting you heard on the news.
• What's the most interesting place you've ever travelled to?
• What's your favourite food? Or do you like to cook?
• What's the best movie you have ever seen?
• Who's your favourite musician?
• If you are brave you could ask him about his family? What they do and what they are like.
• Do you like comedy? Ask him what type of comedy he likes.

Remember not to fire questions at him one after another, rather respond with what you like in relation to the question you are asking. You want to make this about a conversation not an inquisition.

S&H (Sex&Honey) is an English-language digital sex and relationship coaching platform that aims to debunk the myths around sex.

The service gives women affordable access to real sex and relationship coaching information, practical advice and coaching tools and resources around sex and relationships.

Honey Morgan, a sex coach and one of the creators of S&H says: "S&H provides a safe place for women to source information, ask any questions related to sex and get real advice to apply in their relationships. Our aim is to empower women with relevant knowledge about sex and relationships, enabling them to make the right decisions and have fulfilling relationships."