The Other Type of Love

Thursday, 13 March 2014

When you think of a loving person you probably envision someone gazing at you with kindness in their eyes, a gentle smile on their face, and their arms open, welcoming you into their loving hug.

Well, that's one side of love. But there's another side of love that's not so wonderful.

Each time we're birthed onto this planet we come here for the purpose of having experiences from which we learn. The way we humans are wired is that we seem to learn more from the negative experiences than from the happy, warm, loving experiences.

We can't have these learning experiences all by ourselves, so we enlist the aid of others to help us. We create contracts or agreements with others who will assist us in having the experiences we need in order to learn about whatever it is we're choosing to learn this lifetime.

Some of those contracts are personal, such as difficult relationships with parents or mates. In each relationship, both parties are teaching and both are learning. For example, the abuser may be learning about how power can be misused and become destructive. The victim might be learning about the effects of giving their power away to others and the damaging effects this causes to them.

Some contracts are global, created as a result of the collective consciousness of humanity desiring a particular experience. When this happens, the human collective is given the opportunity to take a giant step forward in evolution. An example is Hitler. As a result of the catastrophic horrors he created, humanity gained a new level of awareness and compassion which will never be forgotten.

Whether the experience is personal or global, in each of them there's a Bad Guy who's abusive, harmful, destructive, horrid, mean, nasty, vile... well, you get the picture.

This Bad Guy is actually the other side of love.

When a parent tells a child "No" to their request for something that's not good for them, the child thinks the parent is the Bad Guy.

The truth is that it takes a lot of love to agree to be the Bad Guy just so another person can have an experience and learn from it. Saying "No" to your child isn't easy. Being abusive to someone you love isn't easy. Being hated by the world isn't easy either. But in all cases, the Higher Purpose of the Bad Guy is to help you learn what you wished. Bad Guys are only being bad because they love you so much, and because it's what you asked of them.

Know this: no one wants to be the Bad Guy.

The parent doesn't want to make their child unhappy. But they know that too much candy will make them sick. It's worse for the parent to see their child sick from eating the candy then having the child momentarily unhappy with them for saying "No". The abuser doesn't enjoy being mean to their mate whom they love. But they agreed to do so in order that their beloved mate have an opportunity to learn what they wished.

This doesn't give patent approval for behavior harmful to others. This is meant to give you another perspective of people who have harmed you in the past so that you might glean the learning from the experience they so lovingly gave you.

Once you do so, you go beyond forgiveness. You begin to feel appreciation for how much it hurt them to hurt you and gratitude for the gift of love that they gave you. You gain new awareness of how much they love you. And you begin to feel true love for them... the love that goes beyond human boundaries.

Somewhere Lost Who I Was

When I woke up this morning I recognized I lost myself in you. I realized I am not the person I thought I would be or that I wanted to be.

I questioned myself as to if I can't be myself with you then subsequently should I be with you? Could you be with someone who was not themselves? I have altered myself to be your ideal person; how long will this last because this that you see is not really me. Is this what you really want to see or need? You used to be attracted to a much different individual. What the reason that you are pushing for this imaginary person? Ultimately if I can't discover myself in the end, then who is it that you see? I really love you, however, primarily I must love me first. You need to recognize that you first loved and wanted this person originally you met. This individual that made you laugh. That person whom acted like themselves. You must recognize that I desire to get back to that individual I really am. Love does not equal someone that is a fantasy. There was a time when you looked at me for the person that would intrigue and entice you.

Quit searching outside at a world that is not real and then expecting your partner to be someone that you knew they never were from the start of your relationship. They are who they were and that's what attracted you to this individual.

I am in love with you because of who you are, please never change and never ask me to be someone that I'm not. Relationships can only be built on trueness and honesty. Everyone believes that in a romantic relationship, as the years go on many of us continue to make changes and adjustments as we mature, and sure we revolve around one another and will make changes for each other nevertheless we are still the same individual we started off as.

Therefore let's stick with what's real. You are you, allow me be me, you loved and adored me once and the moment I get back to me you'll love me even more.

The moral of the story is, when you love yourself primarily your partner will love you even more because they will discover the original individual they fell for. Never allow an individual to alter you, if you do, they just modified your soul. You are exactly who you are, therefore, love yourself first and truly believe others will love you too.

Veronica Allen-Anderson, I began writing poetry when I was 13 years of age and spent 25 plus years of exploration and putting to words my observations and passion for understanding people's most intimate emotions. I always try to bring clarity to what is often a complicated landscape involving the heart and the mind. We have a world of people out there hurting and confused. I am an Author and in my dozens of written articles I demystify the tough issues facing people in relationships and offer workable solutions. I help people just like you with relationship questions and issues. I hope my suggestions work for you!

Attending to the Full Degrees of Love

Wednesday, 12 March 2014

ACCORDING to Bernard of Clairvaux (1090-1153), there are four degrees of love. I'm using his structure below to describe a progression in the mode of spiritual maturity:

1. Loving oneself for one's own sake.

This first degree of love, whilst it sounds basic in its selfish form, is nonetheless vital in the owning of one's existence. If we cannot love ourselves for our own sake, what purpose is there to life? We must love ourselves and believe in ourselves enough to live adequately, because much of the world may appear not to be too bothered about us, personally. If we will not be our own advocates how would we expect another - besides trusting family or good friends - to come to our aid? Only when we love ourselves can we begin to contemplate loving God - or needing God for that matter.

2. Loving God for one's own sake.

It may be a quick step from loving ourselves for our own sake to loving God for our own sake. In loving ourselves we find we cannot provide everything we need. Therefore we need God. This love we have for ourselves means that there is no barrier to God, because we know, through our love for ourselves, that someone or something 'equally' loving has created us. Knowing God has created us, and that he sustains us, we are motivated to love God, but truly for our own benefit.

3. Loving God for God's sake.

At some point in our loving God for our own sake we begin to contemplate loving God for God's sake. When this occurs we know we are maturing into something truly useable for the Kingdom. At this point we have recognised the God deserves our worship for the pure fact he is God. At this point our faith converts to consistent works that glorify our Lord. At this point we care more instantaneously and instinctually. We may readily sacrifice our worldly needs because we value them no more; besides the fact we are beginning to know that coveting nothing is the spiritual nexus.

4. Loving self for God's sake.

Arriving at this degree of love is transcendence as much as anything; to find the truth in the transcending of one's self in order to be consumed by the living God for the purposes of the Kingdom - this is blessed. This degree of maturity is the true losing-your-life-to-save-it reality. Only in doing that - to give oneself up for the unknowable purposes of God - will we find ourselves in the place of loving ourselves for God's sake.

How To Identify A Cheater

Actions Speak The Truth, Not Words

The proof of a man's feelings is in his actions, and not in what he tells you. So take notice of what he does, not what he says he will do. When someone shows you who they are, believe them, don't ignore your intuition. If you have doubts about someone, take your time and get to know them before you act.

There Is No Smoke Without Fire

When you are attracted to someone, your emotions tend to take over your common sense so keep an open mind to rumors and listen to others.

Wandering Eyes

It is normal for people to like looking at attractive things. However, don't accept disrespectful behavior. There is a line between appreciation and being rude to the person you're with.

Beware of The Wolf In Sheep's Clothing

This typically involves a vulnerable woman and a middle-aged man who enters your life with many excuses as to why he has no assets. He asks for money or loans and promises to pay once he has his big pay-out, which never materializes.


• Don't be open about your financial affairs with someone you barely know.

• Don't try to buy affection.

• Never sign anything without first taking it to your lawyer.

• Ask questions get as much information as you can and check it out.

Financial Betrayal

Financial betrayal on top of emotional betrayal can make a huge wreck of our lives.

Take Precautions:

• Have a lawyer prepare thorough documents that state the assets of the marriage.

• Make sure joint signatures are required on check accounts.

• Have all bank and credit card statements sent to your home address.

Internet Infidelity

Thanks to the Internet, starting a relationship no longer need to happen face to face. It is a haven for emotional cheats so; it just has to be something that removes you from your relationship.make sure you check all profiles thoroughly. Infidelity need not be physical to be betrayal.

Financial Love Cheats and Predators On The Net

With the Internet, cheats and predators can now prey on vulnerable women anywhere from the comfort of their home! Emotional deception is the first step to financial and sexual gains so always be wary of who you talk to online.

Internet Detectives

The up side to the internet and technology is that there are many new ways to catch cheats. Besides checking data stored in your partner's mobile phone, having your family computer examined for encrypted files will also help put the pieces together. Another useful tool is the GPS which allow partner's to be tracked.

The Purpose Of Online Dating

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Online dating is the fastest growing forum for connecting relationships. It allows for a flexible schedule in which you can remain on our current path in life and find love on your own time. However it also provides a digital mask for anyone to hide behind and miss use.

You must find a way through the lies and use the internet to your advantage. The internet is practically made for personal identification. There is search engines and websites dedicated to background checking. With the use of the right resources there is no lie that can't be discovered.

Although it is easy to lie in order to get real results online is to be completely honest with the people you meet online starting with your personal profile. Your profile is the first impression you make on your potential matches.and this is how people will decide who they are comparable with. If you decide to "fudge" the truth then you will attract people who are attracted to the false image that you created and will ultimately not be a comparable match.

the next thing you need to pay attention to is the details of potential matches profiles. When you take the time to read every detail your able to make an informed decision on who you want to spend your time with. Just as you would read all discloses and fine prints before you sign a contract or legal document a personal profile is a window into the personality and character of your potential date.

Never sell yourself short! Only you know what you are looking for in a relationship and only you can decide who is right for you. When you ask for input from your friends or family on how to approach a dating situation for example (blind dates, casual dates, or taking the next step with a friend.) always rely on your own judgement when deciding on the final cut.

Utilizing the tools provided on dating websites is the best way to make your experience online worth the time and effort that you put into it. "You reap what you sow" on these dating websites so if you don't put the time into connecting with people then you will get sub-pat results and will end up very disappointed.

The time you spend on an online dating community website should be regarded as an investment in your future happiness and should be treated with the at most care. If you are seriousness about finding love on a busy schedule and making a lasting connection than online dating is the platform you should be on. I am a believer that when you are surrounded by people who love and care about finding a dedicated connection you can't go wrong.

A Poet On A Motorcycle

These words made me laugh. I read them while reading quotes of Lucinda Williams. I don't know, in which perspective, she said these words, but at least, I feel that she has presented women's thoughts in the most amazing and amusing manner... Allow me to transform her words into my words.

"A perfect man is a man who lives on the edge; he's like a free spirit. But, he also has the soul of a poet and a brilliant mind... He's like a poet on a motorcycle."

I utterly agree with her; women love this kind of men.

In the world today, I believe that almost everyone is riding a motorcycle, since it's the easiest thing to do. However, it's tough to find that man who has a soul of a poet, or a brilliant mind. Therefore, today, I'll talk about the supreme power of words.

Choose Beautiful Words

I know, most writers would agree with me that the best literature has been written; the peak era of literature has passed. That's why, today, people have no idea how to communicate and how to choose different words according to different situations. In fact, the irony is that, we don't even have the confidence to utter out the bad words.

Casanova and Lord Byron are the most beautiful examples of history. These two men always made women breathe erratically with the power of their beautiful and mellifluous words. It won't be wrong to say that their words were their actual weapons; they knew how they could make women's hormones growl by paying compliments, and communicating in a rich language. Especially, Lord Byron (1788 - 1824), an English poet and a leading figure in the Romantic Movement, was very influential, and famous for numerous love affairs. This man knew that women are naturally attracted to men who use lavish vocabulary while speaking and writing; he used this knowledge and won the hearts of almost every kind of women through his words. From servants to landladies, from fans to actresses, every woman needed him more than her next breath.

As I have said earlier, these days, it's tough to find a man who has a rich language. Because, everyone is busy in exhibiting thrill and excitement. If you, on the other hand, give the best compliments, fill your language with lavish vocabulary, and touch the repressed desires of women with your words, you will always beat the other guys and receive, hotter-than-hell, rewards... If you still don't know what to do, then just pick a romantic poem, glean beautiful words from it, and use those words during conversation, again and again. Women would not only notice a change in your language pattern, but also desire to wrap their legs around your waist.

3 Tips For Finding Success With Online Dating

Being successful when it comes to online dating isn't as easy as many make it out to be. There is a decent amount of work that needs to be done not only initially, but ongoing as well. But with that said, you can find love online. I am a testament to that as are many people I know. So how do you go about finding success with online dating? Here are three tips to help you out.

Pick A Good Site For You

With so many online dating site out there, how can you know which one is right for you? The simple answer is to do research on each site to figure out which one is best for you. Unfortunately, not all of us have that kind of time. Fortunately, there are a handful of websites that have done the work for you. Some are more detailed than others. The key is to do the most research possible so that you can find the site that fits you best.

By picking out the right site for you, you instantly increase your odds of finding success with online dating. You won't be wasting your time on the wrong sites and as a result giving up out of frustration. I know this because I spent a lot of time on many online dating websites only to come up empty.

Stand Out

Online dating is a pure numbers game. The more you try, the greater your chances of meeting others. But if you don't want to contact 1,000 people to hear back from 10, you can do things to increase your odds and finding success with online dating. The way you do this is to stand out.

As I mentioned above, I was on a lot of online dating websites. I saw many women have the same basic (read: boring) profile. I even checked out the guys profiles too (more on this shortly). The girls that had a different profile, the ones that actually put some time and effort into creating their profiles are the ones I reached out to.

So how do you stand out? Check out other peoples profiles. This is why I checked out so many men's profiles. I saw what everyone else was doing. I took note of that and knew what not to do. It really is that easy. The hard part is then creating your profile. Don't get frustrated with this though. I wrote and edited my profile 5 times before posting it. Take the time to stand out and you will find success with online dating.

Keep Things In Perspective

Because online dating is a numbers game, it's easy to get frustrated early on when you are reaching out to others and not getting a reply or even getting people who you aren't interested contacting you. At the end of the day, you have to keep things in perspective and stay positive. This will help you push through the discouraging times you will encounter. Trust me, you will encounter them. You aren't going to find love online overnight. It will take some time.

I meandered around for weeks at times. It's bound to happen. I kept my outlook positive and stuck with it. In the end, I found my wife. Remember, when times are toughest, that is when you are closest to seeing success.

Final Thoughts

The key to finding success with online dating is first finding the site that is best for you. From there, you need to put some effort into your profile and pictures so that you stand out from the crowd. Lastly, stay positive. You aren't going to meet prince charming or the future "Mrs." overnight. It is going to take some time. You will get frustrated. But do your best to keep pushing through to the end. The love you find will be worth the effort.

Cara Menarik Pria Kualitas Menggunakan Kencan Apps

Dating apps take the convenience of online dating to a whole new level. But with so many dating apps out there, it's difficult to know which ones are right for you.

Here's an explanation of some popular dating apps, as well as some tips on how to use them.


Tinder is a free app that anonymously finds nearby matches and connects you with them if you're interested in each other. It lets you quickly say yes or no to potential matches by showing you people who are near you, and letting you anonymously "like" them or "pass" on them. If you and a potential match "like" each other, Tinder makes an introduction and lets you text each other through the app, without giving your real phone number away.

To stay in your feminine energy using a dating app like this, I'd suggest "liking" as many potential matches as you want, and then letting the man be the first one to contact you through the app if the two of you "like" each other.

How About We

How About We has you post a date you'd like to go on when you sign up, which a potential match can then "opt in" to by connecting with you and setting up the date. It's primarily free, but you can upgrade to get special perks. The profile questions on How About We seem to appeal to sophisticated professionals. It's designed to help you set up dates right from the beginning, rather than chatting potential matches for weeks before finally meeting up. The profiles consist of personality traits and seem to focus more on compatibility than physical attributes.

When it comes to posting a date that you'd like to go on, I always suggest keeping the first date short - an hour or less is ideal. Pick a public place near you where you feel comfortable - don't drive far to see a man for a first date. Somewhere where you can walk around and look at things (such as an outdoor shopping area) is perfect since there's an intimacy-building aspect to these kinds of activities.


Hinge uses a matching algorithm and it's "romance graph" to intelligently show you potential matches you're likely to be compatible with. It pulls your Facebook information to present you with people who have a similar type of job or went to the same kind of college, but it also goes deeper and matches you with people across these boundaries as well. Hinge uses it's matching algorithm to identify the hidden threads that attracts you to potential dates.

In my opinion, real compatibility doesn't have very much to do with what you have "in common" with a man. With apps like this, I'd suggest giving men a chance if you get a good vibe from them and their energy is coming towards you, regardless of whether or not you have things in common or if they meet all the standards on your "checklist."

Coffee Meets Bagel

Coffee Meets Bagel introduces you to people who are seeking meaningful relationships. You'll receive one match per day that's specifically chosen for you. You have one day to "like" the match or "pass" on them. Coffee Meets Bagel doesn't tell your potential matches that you "liked" them unless they "liked" you too. When you and a potential match "like" each other, you can text each other securely through the app and your real phone number is not given away.

As with some of these other dating apps, I'd suggest letting the man be the first one to contact you through the app if the two of you "like" each other - so you're just responding to potential matches, rather than initiating.


OkCupid is a popular free dating app which lets you browse profiles and send messages to potential matches. In my opinion, OkCupid is one of the best dating apps because it's easy to navigate and it uses algorithms to match you based on personality traits and what you're looking for in a relationship. You can browse through local singles and spend time meeting interesting new people who have the qualities you're looking for.

Having clear, flattering pictures is extremely important when using apps like this. You'll want at least one picture of your face, where you're looking at the camera and smiling, and one full-body picture. Changing your main profile picture and uploading a new picture every so often will put you back at the top of the "activity" page and people's searches.

Plenty Of Fish

Plenty Of Fish is another free dating app that lets you browse profiles and send messages, while its personalized services match you to people who are interested in the same type of relationship and even suggests local places to meet up. Plenty Of Fish allows you to set up your account so that certain people cannot contact you. For example, if you're looking for a long-term relationship, anyone looking for a "hook-up" or casual relationship won't be able to send you a message.

When it comes to writing your profile, I always suggest writing two paragraphs - the first one should be all about you and the second one should be about what you're looking for - and be sure to translate everything into feeling messages where you can.

I'd love to hear about your experiences using dating apps - and if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me through my website and ask!