The Questions to Ask and What to Say on a First Date

Thursday, 12 December 2013

Dating is daunting. Will he like me? Will I like him? Making a good impression is at the forefront of our mind, but how much should we reveal about ourselves and our inner soul. We secretly hope he will be the one and dread the thought that maybe he is not.

All these thoughts rummage around in our gorgeous heads on the lead up to the first date. Luckily we don't perspire profusely, but we have been known to take to nail biting, scratching the nervous patch on our skin or developing a dry mouth in anticipation of what is to come. Fear not, we are here to guide you through your first date as though you are a confident pro.

Contrary to popular belief, starting the first date with questions such as "what are your long-term goals" or "where do you see yourself in the future" make it sound more like a job interview than a relaxed first date. What you need to do is to put yourself and him at ease by discussing softer subjects and then later on ease into the tougher questions. Nobody likes an interrogation, so make it a flowing conversation. After all that is what we women are good at!

Here are some tips to ease you through the date:

• Complimenting him will put him at ease - 'thanks so much for choosing this place for our date it's really great'. This is a light conversation starter and you could ask "what places do you usually like to go to?"

• Ask him for advice - if you are eating you could ask him if he can recommend anything on the menu. This also opens up the conversation around what types of food he enjoys.

• Talk about your day and hopefully he will reciprocate - This is a nice lead in to find out more about his job rather than the inane "so what do you do?" question that we all ask and he secretly finds irritating.

• Don't moan - We are all tempted to rush in and complain bitterly about something and this can be a real turnoff on the first date, not to mention that it could create a bad impression.

• Be yourself - it's better to find out that you both have nothing in common on the first date than on the fifth.

• Offer up a little about yourself - he may be just as nervous as you are, so telling him a little about you could start the conversation going. Don't give him the full version only enough to be enticing.

Some questions to get the conversation going:

• What do you do for fun?
• Do you enjoy what you do?
• Are you reading anything interesting at the moment?
• Do you enjoy sport? Who's your favourite team?
• What do you think about... find something interesting you heard on the news.
• What's the most interesting place you've ever travelled to?
• What's your favourite food? Or do you like to cook?
• What's the best movie you have ever seen?
• Who's your favourite musician?
• If you are brave you could ask him about his family? What they do and what they are like.
• Do you like comedy? Ask him what type of comedy he likes.

Remember not to fire questions at him one after another, rather respond with what you like in relation to the question you are asking. You want to make this about a conversation not an inquisition.

S&H (Sex&Honey) is an English-language digital sex and relationship coaching platform that aims to debunk the myths around sex.

The service gives women affordable access to real sex and relationship coaching information, practical advice and coaching tools and resources around sex and relationships.

Honey Morgan, a sex coach and one of the creators of S&H says: "S&H provides a safe place for women to source information, ask any questions related to sex and get real advice to apply in their relationships. Our aim is to empower women with relevant knowledge about sex and relationships, enabling them to make the right decisions and have fulfilling relationships."

One Simple Trick To Kill Approach Anxiety

If you've ever felt approach anxiety, you're not alone. Anybody who says they aren't afraid are either suffering from some kind of psychotic illness, or they are flat out lying.

Most guys, scratch that, ALL GUYS feel a certain level of approach anxiety, ALL THE TIME.

They say that learning to feel comfortable and natural when picking up girls is like riding a bike.

I say that's hogwash.

Riding a bike, tying your shoes, driving a car, these are simple, emotionally neutral skills that once you learn, it's pretty hard to unlearn. Meaning you'll be able to do them till you're taking a dirt nap.

Then there's more complicated skills that will rust and break down if you don't stay in practice. Playing tennis, playing the violin, cooking a complicated meal. Still, these are emotionally neutral.

Pick up is a whole different animal. Not only is it complicated, but it's about as emotionally NON-neutral as you can get.

I suppose walking across a tight rope suspended above a pit of hungry alligators while people are throwing bowling balls at you might be worse, but you get the idea.

Without getting into the evolutionary and psychological reasons, unless you're going out EVERY SINGLED DAY and number closing ten or twenty girls, you're going to feel a certain level of approach anxiety.

But here's a trick that can help you sneak around those obstacles.

Before you go out again, think of three specific things that MUST be true about her in order for you to date her.

They can get anything, from being a non-smoker, to not having ax-murdered someone within the last twenty four hours. So long as you think of SOMETHING.

This will give your mind something to focus on, BESIDES the fear of rejection.

It will also make it easier to approach.


Instead of thinking what most guys think, "I hope she likes me," you'll be wondering about those three things you've chosen.

Now, you don't HAVE to find out about those three things. Don't walk up to her and fire off a bunch of questions.

Make a game of it. Give your mind something to wonder about, ABOUT HER, and see if you can covertly elicit it during a regular conversation.

The secret here is by giving your mind something to focus on, BESIDES the potential rejection, you'll be able to relax and be yourself.

And let the ancient powers of man-woman caveman lust run it's natural course.

To make things even easier, learn the techniques within covert hypnosis.

This will make your conversation flow like water, and have her feeling those deeply seductive emotions she'll never forget.

Is Seeking God Reserved For Sundays Only

Friday, 22 November 2013

There was a time when people attended Sunday School, went to Sunday service, attended Sunday evening and Wednesday evening services along with attending special services. People were use to going to church and a lot of their lives centered around the Word of God and God's people.

This behavior fostered a belief in the importance of a relationship with God. People leaned on their relationship with the Lord to stay on track. They knew God in good times and had an assurance of His help during bad times.

Now things have changed. The average Christian attends church 1 hour on Sunday. According to the Barna Institute, only 29% of Christians spend time reading God's word daily. We have removed prayer from the public school and out of the government. Many have even removed Him from their homes..

Pastors are not helping to promote the power of prayer and seeking God as they should either. A cross denominational survey has brought to light some very revealing statistics about the prayer lives of many pastors today. The study shows 80% of pastors spend less than 15 minutes a day in prayer and 95% of pastors do not pray regularly with their wives. If the pulpit does not focus on prayer as the point of spiritual power is it any wonder that the congregation is floundering in prayer power as well?

When we do not hear from God, it is because we have stopped talking to Him. God will not scream in our ears. He speaks as a gentleman in a soft voice for all who would hear him. When we think of conversing with God we can compare it to talking to a friend. Many times those conversations are spontaneous and vary depending on the day and how we feel. It's the same way with God. He is not looking for some cookie cutter relationship with us. He wants to talk to us each day and to relate to us based on where we are.

The Bible says "seek the Lord while He may be found". This implies that there may come a day when we cannot find the Lord even if we wanted to seek Him. People need to look for the Lord whenever they think about him. Sundays are great to focus but there are 6 other days we have as well. Look for Him everyday and make it a great one!

You Know Life's Burden - Don't Add to Theirs

Friday, 15 November 2013

You know the inner burden,
That harrowing burden of life,
You know it very personally,
That feeling of anxious strife.
The next person's not so different,
If you think life's pretty tough,
It's good to extend them grace,
So their life's not so rough.

BURDENS are those struggles that follow us each day, all our lives, only that we have that short reprieve every now and then. If there isn't anything to be anxious about, we find something. Perhaps it's a case that we are free of anxiousness and we may be anxious because it's so strange.

This is not to paint a picture of a life overrun with anxiousness; but there is always a stressor that bears down making reality something of a true performance. Pity we don't always want to perform. We know the common burdens of life, almost as much as we know how much relief means, and how unfair burdens added are, it seems.

Given the knowledge we have about our own burdens, why on earth do we allow ourselves to add to others' burdens? We may see it as 'you get what you give', but that isn't a sound basis for living a good life.

Our aim should be to not add unnecessarily to others' burdens, given that we recognise the additional stress upon them. Sometimes we cannot avoid it, however. It's not as if this is asking us to be people-pleasers - to make it so the people we know don't bear any pain. But we do what we can to relieve the unnecessary burden.


Rather than adding burdens we could more nobly find ways of lightening the burdens of others. These are the little things. These are those things that encourage people in very small ways; almost the smaller the better. In fact, the smallest of deeds are hardly repayable, and that's the point. Making people feel they should be repaying just adds to their burden. The idea of lightening burdens is about making them feel comfortable at receiving a blessing.

Dating Questions That Help Make Your Dates Much Brighter

Thursday, 10 October 2013

Wouldn't it be nice if real life was more like the movies? There's a reason everyone loves romantic comedies and epic novels. These fictitious works are better than life, at least in terms of dialog. They speak eloquently and beyond what most people say in any conversation. While you probably can't write like a TV writer, there is no reason why you can't spruce up your dating conversations and make them a little more interesting. You can ask your date questions that stimulate funny, quirky interactions, just like in a movie or book. Hey, who says life has to be tedious?

Now some experts will suggest that treating your date like a job applicant is a good idea, because it gets your partner to really talk. That does have some logic to it, but when you think about it, don't you think a job interview is kind of a miserable experience? No one really wants to bring that formal, stuffy language into a relaxed date conversation.

Dating Questions That Work

Dating questions are not "free reign" to be rude or shocking. There has to be some rhyme and reason for them, and even if the questions are funny, they have to have value. Naturally, some topics are taboo. You know, the usual like religion and politics. Don't waste time winding your date up when you could just tease, amuse, and flirt. Focus exclusively on conversations about yourself and your view of the world. There will be plenty of time to talk about heavy issues later on.

You can come up with some fun questions on your own but if you need a bit of extra help, to keep your date interesting you may want to try some of the questions below. You will notice they are open ended and conversation starters.

1. What person has had the greatest influence in your life?

2. When was the last time you had a good belly laugh?

3. What's on your bucket list?

4. Who is your favorite person in the world?

5. Who is your favorite comic book character?

6. What three things do you expect to do this year?

7. What are you pet hates?

8. What's your favorite restaurant?

9. What character in English literature do you resemble most?

10. What do you love about your job?

11. When was the last time you've been really surprised?

12. What has been your favorite memory in life, both as a child and as an adult?

13. Who is your favorite world leader or peace activist of all time?

14. Who is your favorite band?

15. What was the last terrible movie you watched?

16. What is your worst date experience ever?

17. Do you have a favorite place to be alone to think about things?

18. What would be your dream career or life?

19. Have you ever been pranked or pranked someone else?

20. What was the last weird dream you had?

21. Who was your favorite teacher?

22. What is your personal philosophy in life?

23. What character on "The Simpsons" are you?

24. Any X-Files stories to share? Have you ever seen anything weird or scary?

25. What would a book based on your life be called?

Dating questions are like a game. You can expand the conversation or move on if the question does not work. This is a small intellectual challenge and can be fun. Some singles really enjoy confessing their funny stories. That can be fun, but conversely they can also make the other person feel very uneasy. Sometimes personal questions can be a gamble, for example, if your partner has suffered a trauma, so it's best to stay away from real-life scares and drama.

Use discretion and don't push your luck if things are getting awkward. Keep things friendly and natural sounding. Don't rehearse too much. Having said that know there are always boundaries you have to stay clear of and you can usually tell how your date feels about an off-limits conversation.

6 Tips for Finding Your Own Christian (or Christian!) Grey

Thursday, 3 October 2013

50 Shades has done a lot over the past months and years to change current perceptions about sexual freedom for woman. Alternatively, it released a whole bunch of latent, pent up emotion and longing that lay dormant in women, waiting for a catalyst to spark the flame...

Well the flame's been sparked in a very big way, for a lot of women around the world.

If you're active in kink communities, one of the ways you'll notice this is through the incredible influx of newbies onto the scene... and the outpouring of community based posts around the delusions of grandeur possessed by most people who've read 50 Shades and consequently entered the scene.

So, aside from the hundred thousand conflicting messages, concepts and ideas you'll find in a community, you may also find that you're not exactly getting the warm welcome you expected.

So what should you keep in mind if you want to enter the community and find your dream mate?

1. There is right or "Twue" way

On entering the community you'll see many posts, perhaps with a holier than thou attitude, deriding mistakes newbies make. If you're part of any online community you'll see this, and as long we have the Interwebs - or even two people just able talk to each other - we're going to have someone thinking they're better than somebody else.


Your Kink Is Not My Kink... powerful words.

A powerful philosophy for life actually... even when we like the same thing, we're going to appreciate different aspects of it more than others and appreciate it in different ways. It's what makes us human and unique. Likewise, unpacking kink and what works for you sexually is a very personal journey, perhaps the most personal of all the journeys.

If you get too wrapped up in what other people say and think you're going to land up doing something that doesn't necessarily work for you, leaves you tense, when you need to relax in order to benefit from this experience.

Some people see it as a lifestyle, others see it as a purely sexual thing, some see it as an easy way to get laid and have one night stands... it doesn't matter really what your reasons are, because of Rule 34. There's someone out there who matches your kink; there's a market for everything.

One caveat - on the one-night standers... unfortunately the number of these people increases with the numbers of newbies, because they've read 50 Shades too. You'd be wise to have your guard up as a newbie on the scene.

2. Men can be submissive too

Men can be submissive, women can be dominant and some people are both - switches, meaning they change according to their needs. Likewise, BDSM happens for all orientations and even all ages and colours and shapes and sizes. There are whole segments of the community dedicated to big women for example and foot fetishes.

3. Not all communities are created equal

Some are more social, some more content and information based and others are just plain meat markets filled with wannabes, scammers and fakers.

Take all the necessary precautions... protect your identity, don't give you name out, don't give money to anyone, take your time to get to know the person and meet them in a public place. Have an escape route, don't play the first time... The list goes on and on and on.

Take your time to get to know some of the people in the community, local and web-based if possible, and gather information and resources. When you're playing a game as dangerous as this, you cannot take too many precautions.

4. Not all Dominants are created equal

And in the wake of the 50 Shades phenomenon, you find a lot of chancers, fakers and youngsters hoping for an easy lay. There are luckily a few easy ways to identify most of the absolute fakes:

Profile pictures of his penis
Only female friends
No profile write up
Propositions sex too early on in the conversation
Insists you call him by a title such as Sir in the first few minutes

Unfortunately, there are also some of the scammers that have grown older, wiser & shrewder over time, and these are unfortunately not always so easy to spot.

Take your time, get to know the people around you and keep your wits about you. It's easy to get carried away and land up in a situation where you get beaten, abused, raped or worse.

5. Some people are just kinksters

Not all the labels apply to you in BDSM and it's okay to just be a fetishist, a kinkster or even just explore.

Take your time figuring out what works for you, read other people's profile write ups, view their pictures, videos and see what appeals to you. And take your time please, this isn't a race with an end goal, it's an exploration. The joy and pleasure of this also lies in the journey.

6. Some people are completely unsure

There could be a variety of reasons for being unsure, ranging from a conflict in sexual orientation or gender to low self-esteem, and something as harmless as finding the content stimulating and having that be enough.

Whatever your reason, you're allowed to take your time to figure out who you are and what you want. You don't have to make a decision today.


S&H (Sex&Honey) is an English-language digital sex and relationship coaching platform that aims to debunk the myths around sex.

The service gives women affordable access to real sex and relationship coaching information, practical advice and coaching tools and resources around sex and relationships.

Honey Morgan, a sex coach and one of the creators of S&H says: "S&H provides a safe place for women to source information, ask any questions related to sex and get real advice to apply in their relationships. Our aim is to empower women with relevant knowledge about sex and relationships, enabling them to make the right decisions and have fulfilling relationships."